A lot of things are happening this year, and I’ve been too… scared(?) to get ready for them. Fear of change, fear of growing older, they suddenly hit when I turned 17, and now that it’s 2010… Well, I’ve got to face these things, mentally kicking my past self for leaving me to do all this late.
I haven’t taken the SATs (I’m working on taking them this month, but have to pay extra because I’m late.) I haven’t applied to college (yeah, I’m a complete and utter idiot, what do you want from me?) I’ve lived in that “ocean of obliviousness,” as I call it. Every once in a while I fall into it—it’s a really terrible defense mechanism when I don’t want to deal with something. The worst part is, because of its own nature I can’t tell I’m in it until I get a mental slap in the face.
This time it was the New Year that woke me up.
I seriously need to be employed. Unfortunately I have no experience and no people skills. I had one job in my life, and I was fired. I had the worst attitude there, but I was also younger than now and at the time didn’t need the job or the money. Now I need to start saving money for a lot of things, including car insurance. (My parents are great, because I’m getting an old beat up Volvo station wagon once I get a job and a car insurance plan from them.)
A job needs to have one of four things for me to be able to do it and not be totally miserable: (A) be totally mindless so I can daydream out ideas for stories/comics, (B) be interesting or creatively stimulating, (C) give me material for stories/comics, or (D) give me a discount in something I’ll actually buy (like books at Border’s or clothes at Hot Topic.)
I wish I could just make comics/stories for a living. I really want to freelance for a while, on the side. I’d get little to no money, but hey I’d be doing what I like and get some recognition. I’m horrible with deadlines, but MAYBE if I was being held accountable for them I can learn to draw/write ON TIME and not be a slave to my muse. Not trying to jinx it or anything, but this is the most I’ve ever updated a blog, even if it’s pretty much like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HN1ru6_u8lY